Ok, so I'm going to give a fuller blog of the last EXPLOSIVE! week. Since Wednesday there's pretty much been non-stop action. Wed = Greyhound with various typical folk e.g bekka, parsons, helena, becky, alex, etc etc, good times. Got absolutely mash-fayced with Bekka and ended up gettin' a cab to her house (Shortlands) from Westmoreland Road, which cost £7.60 - OUTRAGEOUS. Managed to retain myself this time.

Thursday - worked avec Amy a la maison publique - "YES!", "Overjoyed". Then on to Cat de Ling Ting bong badda bing's house complete with the jet set lifestyle of a bouncy castle n boxing ring - flawless. Got bostom crabbed by Greg, tried to escape and on both occasions was pulled back with a, "YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!" from Greg/Buggsy. Bekka got a fat lip, tryna steal my thunder - bitch. Then my trousers fell down so I felt all promiscuous, Greg wouldn't let me do them up - rotter. The party was already gonna be awesome from the fact that I was greeted by Jenni with a bottle of wine - "Have it!" - just what I needed. You can't be depressed when you're pissed; it's just not possible.

Then Adam got mashed up good and started talking about his lack of direction, so complete with a bottle of wine betwixt my thighs I tried to soothe the pain. Jenni and I played Ode To Womb pretty much all the time on the piano and various cats were involved. I am Matt Matt I am - only according to Bekka though, but she's a Leo so gotta give her some credit innit "STARSIGNS ARE BULLSHIT BLA BLA BLA!"

Friday - Bowling! I'm bowling fruit! Bowling or .. lobbing? Everytime I've been bowling with Tom (twice) it's always been a good time. I was surprised at how good Jack was at a sport, but then realised bowling wasn't a sport, cause Jack was good at it - only raggin' on ya bowlin muthafucka. Everythign was fine till Bekka came along, started cheating and then beat me. Food service = 50% good.

I'd write about Annie's but everyone knows how that works anyway.

FUCK!

I have to work tonight and I've just finished my shift at the STATIONERS! It was Alex's last shift today and cause she always calls in sick she never got to use the new tills; gutted. Admittedly, it affected everyone else more than her though, cause it just meant she could doss around bare/cause utter havoc. The last week has been rad - Annie's last night and Cat's were AAAAAAACE, oh and Titbox practise weren't too shabby neither, schpafe x

It's 00:34 and I'm debating whether I've got enough lust to get up and consume the potato/chicken concoction Mama D prepared for me earlier. Was 45 mins late for work today, got a very miffed phone call from the girl who I was meana be taking over from...

Went to the Hog's Head last night and got absolutely mashed up good in the neighbourhood. They shouldn't sell bottles of wine for £6, cause that's just asking for it. Also TVR (Tequila, Vodka, Redbull) is gorgeous. I woke up this morning with no recollection of some parts of the evening I was told about later. Mama D had to gauge the bathroom door lock 'cause she thought I was passed out, yet when she burst in I was just looking in the mirror apparently. Which reminds me of when Cat B got real slaughtered and was lying down on Helena's bathroom floor shivering and semi-naked.

Did f*ck all durign the day, except see Trooper cause she wanted to steal some internet; mentalist. 2 old friends from Crofton came into the Daylight, both goin to Brighton Uni so I introduced Helena. After 5ive minutes she's already wacked out my life story to them, "They want to know everything". Thank you! Did atrocious on the quiz but that's ok.

I feel like I've missed out a substantial part of my life on here, but ah well! Gotta keep some things to myself innit. Feminism just makes me hate women even more. You don't see men going round complaining about sexism and women get breasts (well I guess some fat men do too) so stop complaining! Can't have it all!

Had a lovely talk with Langley folk about crabs and fish, which was provoked after Helena looked at her Skips packet and said "oh, I thought it had fish in it... I recognise that smell", mmmmmmmmmmm mmm!

I've been pretty happy/hyper recently. Going LA in October too, hopefully.

Aujourd'hui

Froehliche Geburtstag Amy

Last night......

Last night; Bekka, Helena, Annie, Cat Bee and I all went to the Thames Festival on Embankment. As soon as we arrived, we saw a gaggle of Spaniards all raving whilst simultaneously shouting; "PUTO!", which I think means 'male whore'. Annie proceeded to purchase some crazy Spanish potato concoction, which frankly dear diary, looked hideous. We bought some Argentinian beer and then sat on a wall and gazed out onto the Thames. Chris Cousins fell in there once, I do think about that almost everytime I'm there, because the hilarity... ahhh.

We then engaged in vigorous conversation with some Brazilians, who claimed not to understand me when I asked them what their favourite colour was (in Portuguese), pssh. Whilst insulting Cristiano Ronaldo to them, I realised they probably wouldn't be too offended as they were Brazilian, but I guess my brain just assumed they were Portuguese 'coz they were speaking it. Then, after Helena had her fun with the olives, we proceeded to walk on down Embankment.

Met various other foreigners and also Sonny from Hollyoaks, shouting out the TV program name to people who are in them is always great fun, "WILD HOUSE! WILD HOUSE!". Bekka, Annie and Cat buggered off to Walkabout whilst Helena and I met up with an extremely inebriated Amy, Jonny, Karen, Sadie, etc etc. Went to a club in Temple called Collide-o-Scope, which mainly played Indie shiyat, still quite enjoyable though, however.

Thomas Alan Parsons


Just thought I'd dedicate a blog to my Tom - future husband and one of bestest people ever in the world EVER! And what's more... a Petts Woodian, oh yes! I could probably walk to Tom's in sub 3 minutes (although that's pushing it with my diet recently). I'm really jealous about Greg getting to go to Warwick with him, what a wanker.

When I first met Tom, it was at Annie's Halloween shindig. We verbally embraced when we were being chased by pikeys and I got an egg thrown at my already debatabely inadequate breast (left)! Then I was a complete bitch to him for about 2 years........... but NOW ON THE OTHER HAND!

The various gigs, parties and drunken nights... I think the Sovereign deserves a mention here, oh wow.. Tom's only flaw is that he won't accept that the Peep Show > Green Wing.

Don't go to Uni ya bludclut x

ARGHGHROGHRGHIOEHGHIGO'HGE'HG' my legs CANE!

Last night @ work was rad. Amy, Karen and I all wackin' out the one liners, flirting outrageously with the over 50s and meetin some KERAZAYYYYYYYYY GeRmAnZ. Well good. Whenever I meet French/German speaking people, I always feel it is my duty to try and join in the conversation, then when they start ranting excitedly back in my fayce I get worried and just nod with a "Ja!" or a "Oui" respectively.

After that shi(f)t, I went home and spoke to my inebriated sister. We had a good chat about future plans and 'how NOT to waste a gap year' (which at the moment I feel like is gonna happen). But I've got a plan, I wanna go to Spain avec Jenni. I'm gonna go for at least a month for a taster, and then see what happens. Trouble is, she is an A-level Spanish student, I know just about how to say "Where is the supermercado?". I might start a beginner's course.

Matt brought a whole new meaning to "sik in yo fayce" x

It's 14:49 and I've literally just got out of bed, which feels a tad shambolic... almost guilty. Usually mama D is beckoning for me to leave, however, she's at work, so needless to say I had the last laugh! Except not really, cause at least she's earning some cashola (ahh alex noble).

I'm quite enjoying the new Justin Timberlake album. At first, I was skeptical of buying it, in fact.. in my usual post cd purchasing I regretted it for at least 20 minutes. And like every single Nsync album ever, I thought it wasn't very good on first listen, however, I quite like it now. "Isn't it all about sex? That's a shame".

Lauren Flin rang me yesterday which was a pleasant surprise, as I haven't actually spoken to her in what seems like forever, especially considering she was one of my best buds for the best part of 3 years. She even suggested a reformation of Paid2$mile, however, I can't really see that happening. Which reminds me; Jack, Matt and Jenni, if you're reading this can we hurry the fuck up and record again soon please.

I thought I was going to waste this whole day revelling in a pit of my own filth but now I actually have a reason to shower , I'm going to Bromley with one of my fayevourites, the good old Thomas Alan Parsons (apologies if that isn't your middle name but I'm 90% sure on this).

What I really hate is smelly people. Admittedly people were smelly 'coz they were at a gig, but at least I have the decency to carry deodrant round with me. FORWARD PLANNING YEAH!

I'm going to Germany in October for a week, Jenni, get a job and come with me, I promise to make it "The cheapest thing ever".

Safe TING (just for Pockert)
x

Wet!

Today, I had a gorgeous lie in - no nosebleed for once - hooray! I'm so used to waking up admidst blood, so it was a nice change.

I received an email from my sister today re: the 'stolen' lunch:

"humm......Who's the thief...who's the thief....??

I suspect Faye. She came back from the pub late at night and that's when it went missing..Just to let you know that all I had to eat was a bowl of fruit and fibre for lunch because I was so busy and didn't have time to leave my desk...shame on you"

Originally this was sent to my parents and then forwarded onto me; unbelieveable. I made a passing comment on this to my mother in the car and she mentioned how Jack and Gail (my sister) had had a convo about it today. Apparently Jack was on my side though, as my mum quoted it; "I can't say anything or Faye will hit me!" - cheers Jack!

Nando's today - bye Chris Cousins! Actually, that is really sad, Manchester is way too far away - come back!

Went to Rise Against with Greg tonight at the Mean Fiddler. Nice, pensive journey, thought about Blake's London as I wandered through the chartered streets, near where the chartered Thames doth flow. I didn't mark in every fayce I met, marks of weakness, marks of woe though. In fact, I thought it was quite lively.

I got there and immediately purchased a Carlsberg, £3.20 - outrageous. The first band weren't great, only redeeming feature was that the guitarist was real hairy. A Wilhelm Scream were enjoyable enough and Rise Against were rad. Greg's sweaty shirt was absolutely rank and almost a gaggable offence when he rinsed it out and it dripped like a biatch. His fingers were also wrinkly where he had been so wet - disgusting, I almost literally heaved - no offence.

Journey home - pleasant enough. 60 years of being in the UK (bank of India apparently). As soon as I stepped off of the train, realised it was absolutely tippin it down so asked mama d to escort me home in the wagon, which brings me here. Yes!

Go ahead! Be gone with it!

This morning, I receive an email from a guy in Germany asking if I would like to visit there before I go and work there for possibly 3 months. To be honest, I am a tad scared/skeptical about the whole experience, but I know it will be amazing. Leaving England for 3 months, on my own, is obviously going to be difficult, especially as I'm not exactly fluent in German, but it's better than working 2 mediocre jobs for my whole year out.

I also need to get this music course sorted out, but my brother comes back soon and I'm hoping he'll join me in it. My bro has been away for a year and missed out on so many events in my life, it's crazy how he's just going to return, I guess it's weirder for him, think of the anti-climax he is going to have.

Ahhh life

what were you born into? How much will it cost to buy you outta my mind?

I just finished work; distinctly average. However, it was quiz/salsa night, which added a nice little touch. One man thought Sonic was invented by Nintendo; what a cretin, I soon explained to him the error of his ways; unbelieveable.

Last night a group of us went to the Hog's Head for Monday Club. The Petts Wood East Cru; Tom, KAtie, Rob, Myself and Katie Scholte all busted a groove there; gotta love those petts woodians. After a brisk walk to the public house, we had to pay a pound to get in; kerazay. To my joy, bottles of Pinot were £6, so Scholtey and I got wasted. I don't remember much, except seein bare Langleys of back in the day. I woke up at 5am to a mental nosebleed, of which the stains still remain in various rooms of the house.

I thought I wanted to write a long blog but turns out I can't actually be bothered. Bought the new Justin album, Saul Williams and a William Blake book, "Are you doing English at Uni?", "No", "Ha, you geek!"

Excellent. G'night x

So, you're getting 2 blogs tonight; insane! Mainly because I got the wireless set up now and I'm real excited about coming live to you from mein Bett! Talking to Bekka on the phone made me think how life is so fuckin' complicated.

You can't roll how we roll we possess your soul and push the panic......

toxic or organic manic minds refined or frantic....

So, you may recognise this poem from the old Center Parcs ads, but I really like it;


W. H. Davies
LeisureWHAT is this life if, full of care,We have no time to stand and stare?—

No time to stand beneath the boughs,
And stare as long as sheep and cows:

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night:

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance:

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began?

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

Although I originally knew this, everyday I like poetry more and more. I REALLY miss English Literature. Perhaps I can do it at Uni, one problem; I didn't take English Lit for A Level, will they still accept me? I did it at AS...

I've realised, too, that this is my life, how it's gonna be for a while. Working at Ryman and the Daylight. Wow. I'm gonna be richer than I ever was but at the same time, every night I come home and my neck CANES - too much bending over, "A gay's dream!".

I'm going to London tomorrow though, hurrah!

Just a blog to say I'm absolutely exhausted. This batty new blog won't let me write titles, but @ least that means Greg can complain some more.

Yesterday I did a 15 hour shift (Ryman and Daylight respectively) and the busted a move to Ariege's. Drama. First of all some kid got punched in the fayce (I believe it was the fayce, coulda been torso(e)). So, Jack was like, "I wanna run! Who wants a race?", I thought to myself; 'I'm definitely up for a spot of running', so I cheated and got a head start. Being chased is real scary but at the same time I love it - the chase!

So, as I ran back, Jack tottled past me and I gave up, as I walked back, head hung in shame from my defeat, a passer by hollered; "Excuse me! Please don't frolick around here! Someone has been stabbed, there's police and everything!". This, in turn, made me peg it back to the party. It was either getting stabbed or listening to Wheatus; tough choice but I chose the latter.

Had a nice wagon home wiv da PETTS WOOD EAST MASSSIV... attempted to find a place which sold food, but Gary 'Morning' Wood, was WRONG! and the kebab house wasn't open in Orp, but it was a good trigger for an interesting story about the aforementioned fast-food outlet.

Anyway, I'm offski beat, got bare more stories but they can wait, SOIF x

I've decided to FUCK! the old blog (not literally; that would be hideous). Things (or tings rather) have changed and I'm more of a Fayeski BEAT these days (I'm not sure what opposed to 'cause there's definitely still some fayeting and fayefaye left in here, just BEAT is kinda winning right now). I do actually realise that I could have just deleted some posts off of the old one, but fuck that shit.

So, I worked tonight, full of billy no mates! Some man complained 'cause "We've been waiting for ages!" - first mistake; he lied, second of all; I had been standing behind that wankerish bar for a good 4 hours, he had been waiting for 4 mins (approx.), I think I was well within my rights to not rush over instantly to serve the cockmunch. Frankly, dear diary, I had a good mind to phlegm in his drink! Obviously I didn't though as the repercussions would have been dire, I was almost tempted to fuck the inevitable backlash though.


i'm the least you could do says:
then, seemingly for no reason
i'm the least you could do says:
he goes "ahhhhhhhhhh, fucking people" half under his breath

Genius. I love people who hate the human race. Discrimination ain't so bad.

Just to be super dramatic. I had a panic! attack last night. I was lying in bed, thinking as I do, then suddenly I couldn't really breathe very much and wept like that of a small child who's fallen off of a roundabout. It was quite scary to be honest. It was followed by a series of nightmares and I hadn't even eaten cheese! It was, quite possibly, due to the 'fayeski beat' shot - Lea Perrins and cream I had been given at the Sovereign. Followed by Vodka Redbull and some other ridiculous concoction. Katie Miller just turned up at my house so I guess I should entertain her. It's currently 00:28, good night!